iMarriage, Part 3

This has nothing to do with iMarriage, but I just had to share this song with you in case you haven't heard it yet! Kate posted it the other day and I've been hearing it on the radio and I just LOVE it. You know those dreams we talk about...........well, it would be my dream to sing this song at church! The words are absolutely perfect for the journey I have been on!

So, today at church wrapped up our iMarriage series. We talked about how it takes three people to make a marriage work. (God is the 3rd person) We've been talking about how we have a box of dreams, wishes, and desires and how we don't want to put those in the expectations box to where we then have a debt/debtor relationship with our spouse on what we expect from them. We are supposed to change those expectations back into desires. So, what do we do with those desires? We shouldn't pretend that our dreams don't exist or fill our schedules just to cope with them not coming true.

It's all about biblical humility. Sometimes we think that we don't need God's help. God is a gentleman and He won't force Himself on you. Our pride gets in the way and God opposes the proud. It's like when our kids want to accomplish something new, and we know they can't do it alone, but they insist on not needing our help, so we step back and let them try it themselves even though we know they'll most likely fail. It isn't until they ask for our help again that we will step in and help. God is the same way. He gives grace to the humble. Grace is the power to do what you need to do in the moment, for the moment.

Being humble is declaring your dependence and announcing your obedience. It's better to wait on God than to spin your wheels trying to do it on your own. God's promise is that He will lift you up in due time. He's never in a hurry, but is always on time. We have to cast all of our anxiety on Him because He cares for us. (1 Pet 5:7) We have to bring our box of desires, wishes, and dreams to God and in His time, He will give us the power to make them come true because He cares about our dreams. He loves us in spite of all of the things we try to hide from Him and the masks we put on.

So, how do you talk to your spouse about what's in your desires box? You should bring those desires to God, not to your spouse. God will do much more than you ever ask for. His grace really is sufficient. If you daily trust in Him, it's amazing how your life will change. When you talk to your spouse, first confess those things that you believe you've been expecting from your spouse. Then ask your spouse where they feel pressure to live up to your expectations. You may not know where they feel they have to measure up, so ask. Ask them what you can do to make the marriage richer. Don't say what is in your desire box, because they may not be able to do these and then that makes them feel like a failure. For example, if your dream was always to marry an NBA player, and your spouse obviously cannot fulfill that dream, then they will feel like a failure for not being able to meet that. That is why you bring those desires to God, not your spouse. Lastly, reward your spouse when they fulfill one of your dreams/desires. What is rewarded is repeated. They might not even realize they did something you really loved. They might not even know they just fulfilled one of your desires, but if you reward them, it's showing you didn't expect it, but that you are grateful for it and they will be more likely to repeat it.