Thank you

Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read my Mom's story that she wrote to me. I know some of it probably didn't make much sense, as you were probably wondering who all the people were that she talked about. I resisted the urge to explain things along the way though, because I just wanted to put it on here exactly how it was written to me. It did give me lots of hopes and dreams though, about what I could develop it into, if I really sat down and took the time to put my own thoughts, her words, and other family member's perspectives into it.

I remember when my Mom gave me that story, I couldn't read it right then, because I knew I'd break down and bawl like a big ol' baby! We could hardly even look at each other that day, and think about what was inside of those pages, without tearing up. I can't even put into words how deep the connection between my Mom and I always was.

It makes me very happy to know that I was able to share her story with others. My Mom wrote so many beautiful letters, cards, and stories to me. She also had a journal that asked different questions and she answered them, specifically to give to me. What made that so special is that alot of what was said at her funeral was in her own words.

I thought I would share a few pictures, which I've all posted on here before. I have many more, but it would take me awhile to go through them and scan them in.

This is the outfit I had on the first time my Mom saw me and babysat me. It was the one that she mentions was one of the few outfits I had when she got me.
This was us outside the courthouse, the day my adoption was final.

In the story, my Mom talks about her Mother, my Meme. Her name was Bennie.

She also talks about Aunt Ella, who was the one who suggested Susan let them adopt me. Aunt Ella was Bennie's sister. Aunt Ella was also Susan's Granny and my Great-grandmother. So, my adopted grandmother (Bennie) and my biological great-grandmother (Ella) were sisters and that is how it ended up that my adopted family was actually related to me.

I feel like I need to draw a family tree chart. LOL!

It's funny that I remember being a little girl, and my Mom never visited her family without taking me by to see Aunt Ella. But, every time Aunt Ella would see me, she would say "Your Granny loves you so much!" And that never made sense to me, until I learned about my adoption and that Aunt Ella was really my Great-grandmother.

I never saw my Aunt Barbara much (Susan's sister who had me when my Mom came to pick me up to adopt me) until my Dad's job moved us closer to her.  Once we moved here, I was able to get to know my Aunt Barbara and her and Susan's Mother, Dorothy. In fact, I mentioned that just last week I met with Aunt Barbara and Dorothy at Red Lobster for lunch.

It is amazing how the Lord brought us closer to that part of my biological family, because I don't know how I would have survived losing my Mom if it hadn't been for Aunt Barbara and Dorothy. They are the only family I have left nearby. They even sat with my Mom in the hospital. They are very special ladies, and I treasure them.

Here's a picture of my wedding day, with my Mom and Dad, and my Aunt Barbara and Dorothy.

My Mom always said, when she died, that somebody better make sure that my Aunt Barbara's version of "When He Was on the Cross" was played! My Aunt Barbara has a beautiful voice and she had the song recorded and we played it at Mom's funeral. That was very special to me.

I also have to mention my Mom's best friend Linda. Linda is the one who gave them all her daughter's baby clothes when they first got me. Then years later, we moved to the same town where Linda lived. She was a dear friend to my Mom through everything and was such a source of comfort to me when Mom died. She is a very special lady, and I don't get to talk to her very often anymore, but she's one of those people that I know is always there for me, no matter what.

I just want to say to all of you.........tell your family what they mean to you. Write it down in your own words. Tell them your last wishes and what you would like done at your funeral. It's not easy to do. But, my Mom always told me what she wanted at her funeral, where her important papers were, that I was to make sure and support my Dad if he chose to remarry, that she did not ever want to be on artificial life support or be resuscitated...........all the things that are so hard to know what choice to make as a family member if you don't have specific wishes from your loved one. When the time came, I did not have to agonize over what to do because she had left me specific instructions. As much as I tried to tune her out every time she would try to talk to me about those things, I listened and I'm so glad that I did. And because I have her very own words written to me, even though I can no longer hear her tell me that she loves me, I can open my story any time I need to, and I can read her words and feel like she is right here with me.

Thank you so much for all of your sweet comments to me. They really meant so much to me. Throughout my life, the Lord has always made sure to place people near me to support and encourage me, to love me, and I believe that you all are here for just that reason and that gift truly is priceless!

A Mother's Love, Part 4

(parts 1-3 are on my sidebar)

The next weekend, we went to Austin to see some friends, Debbie Banks and Susan Benkosky. While we were there, we had our picture made. That was our first family picture. Then, Debbie bought you the stroller and her Mom bought you a dress. It is the one you wore the day of your final hearing for your adoption.

While we were in Austin, you wouldn't let us out of your sight. Every step we took, you were right on our heels. That was when we realized that the events of the last month or so had been so hectic and furious, and it was more than time to slow down. We had gotten so caught up in all the excitement that we failed to realize the effect it was having on you, our baby. Then we realized that you were still afraid you were going to be left again.

Your Dad and I decided on our trip back home to La Grange, that it was time to stay home for awhile. You needed the assurance of family and you were going to have it. Monday morning, I called Mother. I told her that we were not going to be coming up for awhile. We felt it was important for you to feel loved and the security that no matter what, whenever or wherever we went, we would be coming back home. Little by little, that little lost look in your eyes faded away and trust and love came in to stay.

The next six months, we waited for your adoption to become final. The papers that had to be signed were filed in court. At that time, we were given legal custody of you. Basically, what that meant was that during that time, if Sue had changed her mind, we would have to fight her in a court of law. I will tell you this, we were a little worried. However, as you now know, everything was perfectly fine.

The court had appointed our lawyer's Pastor to do a home study of us. I don't remember his name, but he was very nice. He came one night with Mr. Halpain to see us. You see, the court wanted to know how our home life was. I imagine to see how we all interacted with one another. We were kind of nervous, but they put us right at ease. You see, the Pastor also had an adopted child, as well as natural children. He told us how some people could act if they found out you were adopted. I had already had a sample of that. One day, I took you and went to Gibsons (kinda like Kmart). One of the clerks said that she had not remembered me having a baby when I had been in there before. I told her I hadn't and that we had recently adopted you. She looked at me and said, "That is so big of you." I looked her straight in the eye and said, "No Ma'am, it isn't because you see, we love our daughter." She just kinda stood there with her mouth hanging open and I smiled and said "have a nice day" and left.

The Pastor said since this was a family adoption, what if one day should something happen to Sue and say if she were real ill and wanted to see the children she gave up, how would we handle the situation? Your Dad said that wasn't an easy question, but that we could handle anything together. Fortunately, we have never had any problems so far and I don't believe we will. In fact, the only thing that did happen turned out to be fine. That was when Aunt Ella passed away. Mother had said that day would come and there was a chance that we could run into Sue. By the time that happened, you already knew the truth of your adoption. Once again, I feel that the Lord was right there guiding us every step of the way.

Of course, we didn't have to go to the funeral. Aunt Ella (your maternal Great-grandmother) had always been one of my favorite Aunts and had it not been for her suggestion, we wouldn't have had you. Before she died, she told Meme that she had done a lot of rotten things in her life, but bringing the three of us together was the best thing in her life. Kristin, she loved you more than life itself. She would hold you and her eyes would just twinkle.

Finally, we had a court date for the final hearing. It was on Good Friday. Even that was somewhat strange. Exactly 2 years earlier, I miscarried Easter Sunday. Had I not miscarried, my due date was very early September or late August. You, my precious, were born August 29, 1976. Isn't God smart?

On that Friday, your Dad had to take off work for court. We were on cloud nine as we knew that no one could ever take you away from us. Bami and Pawpaw Lutringer met us at court. When we went in, there was another hearing going on. We didn't have to wait long. When it was our turn, the three of us stood in front of the judge. I was holding you. The judge asked your Dad where he was employed and he went totally blank. Ha!!!!!!!! I had to answer for him. The judge just smiled. I am sure he knew how nervous we were. He declared that from that day forward, you would be known as Kristin Denise Long, then hit his gavel.

Your Dad and I looked at each other and our lawyer said, "It's over, y'all can go." I said rather loudly, "That's it, she's really ours?" He said yes. I looked up and the judge laughed and shook his head also. I looked back at Bami and Pawpaw and started to cry. They were crying too. Even your Dad had big tears in his eyes.

We then left to go to Hubbard, to go home for Easter weekend. That was truly a perfect Easter.

Kristin, I have written this so that someday, when you are all grown up, you can read this and know how very much you were wanted and loved. And too, as time goes by and sometimes we forget little things that really mean alot. I wanted to tell you everything while I still remember it all. Seems like yesterday.

Baby, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind or your Dad's, that the Lord had all this planned from the very beginning. And as you know, your family, everyone, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents are your true blood family.

I am your Mother and always will be. Susan Grice is my cousin and I do love her. We grew up together. I can't condemn or condone her. All I can say is that it takes women like Susan for women like me to have a family and be a mom.

My darling, I couldn't love you any more had I given birth to you myself and I believe you know this. You truly are a miracle of God. One day when your Dad and I are no longer here on earth, should you read this and a tear should fall, please don't be too sad as we will always be right there in your heart. Kristin, when times are hard, just always hold on to your faith in God and you will always be fine. Remember, He never gives us more than we can bear.

Remember that you may not have grown under my heart, but you did grow in my heart. Again, remember always, my darling daughter, I am never any farther than right there in your heart.

I love you,
Mom

My Mom gave me this story on Mother's Day in 2003.

A Mother's Love, Part 3

(I've added the links to my sidebar if you missed the first 2 parts)

Thursday, Barbara and I spent the day visiting and playing with you. We went to her Mother's, Dorothy, and stayed a while. Then, we went to Mrs. Tullis'. I didn't know her, but she was your natural great grandmother. Barbara wanted her to see you one last time. She was nice and that is about all I remember.

Friday, I thought, would never get here. It was the day for you and I to go home, to your new home. Also, to begin our lives as a real family, the three of us. I was so excited. That morning, Barbara got up sick. She stayed in bed all day and finally felt a little better that afternoon. When Mervin came in, we loaded the car and they were going to take us home to La Grange. Our car was still in the shop. We took Casey and Andy to Dorothy's for her to keep. Linda Enderli, my best friend who lives in Baytown, had said that if we could come by her house on the way home, that she had all of her daughter's (Anna) baby clothes and wanted us to have them. I tell you, I don't know what we would have done without them, as you had only 3 dresses, one playsuit, and one pair of shoes. Oh, the pink suit you had on the first time I saw you was with your things. As you know, I still have it. It was the one you had on that Saturday I took those first pictures of you.

While we were at Linda's, Barbara got sick again and didn't feel she could go on to La Grange. We had to go all the way back to Liberty. Barbara said to Mervin, "Why didn't we stay all night and leave first thing Saturday morning?" Mervin said no, that we were all packed and he knew that I wanted to go home. I was so thankful for that. We hit all the 5 o'clock traffic through Houston. It was bumper to bumper for miles. You were so fretful and sick. I don't remember exactly what time we got home, but it was way after dark. Around 8, I imagine.

Your Dad was waiting for us. He hadn't even worked that day. He was sick, a case of nerves, I think. He had the house spotless. Dennis had gone to Hubbard, as usual. He was going to bring back his crib and my high chair for you. I was never so glad to be home in all my life. Your Dad and Mervin unloaded the car. We tried to talk Mervin into spending the night. I knew he was real tired and it would be so late for him to get home. It had been a very long day. He said no, that he was going home and that it was time for us to be together as a family. He was right.

Bami and Paw Paw Lutringer came up that night to see you. They lived in the apartment downstairs. The man who took care of the yard lived in a house next door. His name was Shank. He and his wife, Lucille, came to see you also. Then after awhile, everyone left and we settled in for the night and our new lives. Our prayers had been answered, for we were a real family now.

Saturday, we were going to take you and go to town, but you weren't feeling well and neither was I. So, your Dad went shopping and came home with a blanket, a teddy bear bottle, 2 rompers, and a dozen cloth diapers. Before your Dad could leave, the First Baptist Church Pastor had come by to visit. We had visited there the Sunday before all this happened. His name was Bro. Joe Shaver. When he came in, we had been laying on the floor playing with you. He said he didn't remember us having a baby. We told him what had happened. He stayed about an hour. Before he left, he prayed with us.

The next week, you and I both went to the doctor on Monday morning. The doctor took you off milk. You could only have Gatorade and jello water. He gave me some medicine for my stomach. By Friday, I had to call your Dad to come home. I was so sick and the medicine made me so sleepy. I was afraid I would fall asleep and couldn't take care of you. Friday afternoon, he called my Mother and Daddy. They came and about 9 that night, they took me to the hospital. I had to stay until next Thursday. It broke my heart to be away from you. Daddy (Pawpaw Christian) went home on Monday, but Mother (Meme) stayed to take care of you. Looking back, I imagine it was a good case of nerves. Seems we all had a case of nerves. Huh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I was both physically and mentally exhausted.

When I was released from the hospital on Thursday, you and I took Meme home to Hubbard. We stayed for the weekend. Your Dad and Uncle Dennis came after work on Friday. Everyone came to see you. Aunt Gladys and Uncle Vern, Aunt Mable and Uncle Billy, and Uncle Pete and Aunt Mary. They were all so happy for us. Here you were 13 months old, and you would have thought we had a newborn baby. That is exactly how we felt. You were so tiny. In fact, you only wore 9 month old clothes.

Friday, after your Dad got to Meme's, we went to Granny and Granddaddy Long's. Granny couldn't get over how good you were. They loved you so much.

While we were in Hubbard, a girl I grew up with came to see you. Her name is Priscilla Bailey Fuller. She offered us her baby bed. At that time, she had one child, a son Kyle. He had outgrown the crib. I guess I was a little surprised, as we were always friends, but not super close. We took the bed, as it was in a lot better shape than Dennis' was.

Granddaddy said that some of Dale's baby furniture was out in the shed. We went out there and got his high chair and car seat. They were nearly like new. We ended up with 2 cribs, 2 playpens, 2 high chairs, and 1 stroller. The lady who owned Keitt's Drug Store gave you your baby ring and the silver cup with your name engraved on it. So you see, Kristin, even though everything happened so fast, and for us not having been prepared, everything just fell right into place. We knew that the Lord had all of this planned for us to be a family. The three of us were just meant to be.

to be continued in part 4

A Mother's Love, Part 2

Click here to read part 1.

That weekend was in May. In early September, we moved to La Grange, Texas. That was about an hours drive from Austin. La Grange was a small town. I think the population was around 5,000. Your Dad was working for Brown & Root even then. His job had just ended in Austin. Your Uncle Dennis was already working in La Grange. He lived with us and commuted back and forth from Austin. We rented a two bedroom apartment in La Grange so Uncle Dennis could live with us. Every weekend, Dennis went to Hubbard. He would leave on Friday after work, and come back on Sunday night. It was a 3 hour drive from La Grange to Hubbard.

We had been living in La Grange about 3 weeks. Dennis went home and when he came back, he said that Daddy was sick. He had another spell with his heart. He said Daddy would be fine and said Mother would call if she needed me. Little did we know that the events of that weekend would change our lives forever. Our prayers would be answered and you truly are a miracle of God.

That Sunday night, while we were all watching television, the phone rang. It was Mother. She said, "Dana Kay, do you and Terry want Susan's baby, Summer?" I said, "Yes", and started to cry. So did she. My Daddy and your Dad had to talk because Mother and I had to get ourselves together. Dennis was saying, "What's wrong?" I could only shake my head. When I finally could talk, I took the phone. Mother got herself together and said that Aunt Ella had talked to Barbara, Susan's sister. She said that you were going to be put in an orphan's home. Aunt Ella said, "Why don't y'all let Terry and Dana Kay have her?" She said yes. Oh, your Uncle Dennis said, "Don't you ever do that to me again!" You see, he thought something bad had happened to Daddy. Bless his heart, for it would have scared me too.

Things began to happen real fast. Since we had just moved, we were broke. We had spend about $600 moving and that was all we had. Mother called and told us to find a lawyer and see what he would charge. She said that she and Daddy were going to send us the money. I called a friend who lived there and was also from Hubbard. JoAnn said there was a lawyer they had used and his name was Richard Halpain. So, Monday morning I went to see him and told him about everything and that it was a family situation. He said he would draw up the papers for $200. I called Mother and she wired the money.

I called Barbara, as she had you then. She said you were real sick. You had an infection called thrush and malnutrition. She also said that they didn't know where Susan was or even if she would change her mind. Kristin, Barbara wanted to adopt you so bad. Her husband, Mervin, said no. It wasn't because he didn't love you, but he felt since Barbara and Susan were sisters, that it just wouldn't work. Of course, I agreed with him, but then I wasn't very objective because I wanted you.

Tuesday, I picked up the papers from Mr. Halpain. When I got home, your Dad and Uncle Dennis pulled in right after me. I told them to go and clean up, as they were taking me to Liberty that night. I don't even remember how far or how long it took to get there. I guess I was too nervous.

When we arrived at Barbara's, she was holding you. I wanted to take you and go home so bad, but I couldn't. I had to wait and see Sue, if and when she decided to show up, and get the papers signed in front of a notary. All we could do was wait and pray that she didn't change her mind. Your Dad and Uncle Dennis had to go back home that night so they could be at work. It was really hard to see your Dad leave, but I knew he had to.

That night, I wouldn't even pick you up, because I knew if I did, I could never let you go. I loved you so much it hurt. Later that night, you woke and were fretful. Barbara scolded you and then I couldn't stand it any longer. I picked you up and sat down on the side of the bed and rocked and sang to you until you fell asleep. You were so little and looked so lost. You just snuggled up in my arms, and I think even then you knew how very much I loved you. A baby knows when they are loved. No baby could have been loved or wanted more than we did you.

Wednesday morning, Barbara and I took her oldest son, Casey, to school. Andy was just a little thing. I guess he was about 3 or 4 then. Then we came back to her house. We were both big Elvis fans, and he had just died. We were listening to old records and talking about our teenage years when Sue walked in. When I saw her, I got up and walked over and hugged her. Of course, I began to cry.

You were asleep in your playpen. We (Barbara, Sue, and I) went and sat down at the table. Barbara started laughing. I thought there wasn't anything funny, and she said, "Dana, go wash your face." I had cried so much, my mascara was streaked like a zebra. I told Sue how much we loved and wanted you. All she said was, "I can't raise her with the life I lead." Then she said she wanted to sign the papers.

You woke up and she picked you up and as she handed you to me she said, "Here's your new Mommy." She turned and walked out and got in her car. Barbara, you, and I followed her in Barbara's car to the next county to sign the papers. Sue was by herself. After we signed the papers, she just got in her car and drove away. On the way back, Barbara said she was real happy for us. I told her that we had decided to change your name. She asked why and I told her that we wanted to name you Kristin Denise. Had we gotten you when you were born, or had a natural child, we had said that if we ever had a boy, it would be "Christian." A friend of ours suggested "Kristin", as that was fairly close to "Christian". I always liked the name "Denise", and had your Uncle Dennis been a girl, he would have been named "Katherine Denise," instead of being named after my Daddy, as he didn't have a name, only "J L Christian, Jr." They named him Dennis Jay. Besides, had we not changed your name, it would have been "Summer Suzette Long"......all summer long. Can you imagine the jokes you would have gotten?

Before we got to Barbara's house, we stopped at the courthouse to see if we could get a copy of your original birth certificate. We couldn't. Mr. Halpain wanted it, but the court clerk said she couldn't get it, some rule I guess. I wanted to know how much you weighed at birth. We still don't know for sure, but Okie and Bob said about 7 pounds. The day the papers were signed, I began to call you Kristin and I knew in my heart you were mine. The only regret I have was I wished your Dad could have been there with us. All I wanted to do was take you and go home to my husband.

You were still sick and Barbara had to call the Doctor for some more medicine. I couldn't go home yet because of that, and the alternator on our car went out. Mervin was out of town working, so you and I had to stay until Friday. As Barbara was fixing supper that night, still Wednesday, you had been crawling on the floor. I went to pick you up and you were wet. I took you in the bedroom to change your diaper. After I did, I looked down into those very trusting little eyes and said, "Kristin, your Mommy loves you so very, very much." Never expecting you to answer, and much to my surprise, you said "Mama." I called Barbara and found out that those were your very first words. Of course, I had to have another cry. Ha!!!!!!

to be continued in part 3.........

A Mother's Love, Part 1

A Mother's Love

by Dana Kay Long

To my daughter, Kristin

When I was a little girl, I dreamed one day that I would grow up, get married, and have a couple of children. The day I married your Daddy was one of the most wonderful days of my life. And getting you, my darling daughter, was the next best day in my life.

I wanted you before you were ever born. It was a dream, a dream I didn't even share with your Dad. At the time, I guess it was really a fantasy that I never dreamed would come true. Remember, I told you we were married for nine years and had about decided it would always be just the two of us. Yet, I kept hoping and dreaming for a little girl. Yes, a daughter. You.

Remember, I also told you that I got pregnant when we had been married sever years, but only to miscarry. What short time I was pregnant, we only talked of having a daughter. I know you always hear of a man wanting a son, but your Dad really did hope we would have a girl. Of course, it wouldn't have mattered, but a daughter was always on my mind and in my heart.

After about 2 1/2 months, I lost the baby. We were both heartbroken. It took a while, a long while, and I feel as though I cried an ocean full of tears. Finally, I realized that God would have something in store for us. We didn't know what, but we knew that it would be in His time, not ours. In the meantime, I held on to my dreams. For you see, we had so much love to give and I believe that God knew that too.

Kristin, when you were 9 months old, your Dad and I were living in Austin, Texas. We had gone home to Hubbard for the weekend. We hadn't been there but maybe an hour or so, when Aunt Ella called. As you know, she was your Meme's sister. I answered the phone. When I said, "Hello", she said, "I thought maybe y'all were here." I said we had just gotten here. She said, "Can you come up here?" I said yes, I could. She said, "I have something I want you to see." I asked what she had. She replied, "I have something that is pretty, sweet, and smells good."

I couldn't imagine what in the world she was talking about. Then she said, "I have Sue's baby." I thought since she was elderly, that she just wanted me to babysit a while so that she could rest. Of course, that was fine with me. Your Dad had gone down to Granny's, so I told her I would be right there.

When I got to her house, she was holding you. I went to pick you up and you came right to me. I could tell she was worn out, so I said I would take you down to Mother's and keep you that afternoon. We went to Meme's, then to Granny's. Everyone thought you were so sweet. A beautiful baby you were and so good. I don't know why, but Meme had some film in her camera and we took six pictures of you that day. You know, as I look back, I guess.......no, I know, even those pictures were in God's plan. Why would you take pictures of a child you had never seen and at the time, thought you would never see again?

We all fell in love with you that day, especially my Daddy, your PawPaw Christian. When he went to take you, you just fell in his arms, but children always did. I never saw a child that wouldn't go to him. There was just something about my Daddy. I guess he was special, just like you.

That weekend, I kept you several hours Saturday and also Sunday, after church. Your Dad thought you were the most beautiful baby he had ever seen. When he held you, you just stared at him. It was though you were memorizing every detail of his face. Sunday afternoon, when I took you back to Aunt Ella's, she asked, "What would you give for her?" I told her, "Everything I have," which wasn't much.

When I returned to Mother's, I just fell apart. I cried and cried. I told her that it just wasn't fair. I wanted you and I said if couldn't have you, I never wanted to see you again. That was because I loved you so much and it hurt too much. Mother said that your Dad and I should talk it over because you never know what could happen. Talk it over, we did..........over and over and over. We both wanted you so very much. I cried for weeks. Helen Wood, a good friend, told me that I had to pull myself together and that if it was meant for us to have you, we would one day.

You were never very far from my thoughts. Your Dad said that if we could adopt you, it would have to be done right and legal. Of course, I agreed, as that's the only way it would work for us to be a family. Oh, how wonderful that sounded, a family. I would go to bed at night and say, "Lord, do I dare dream? Is it possible? Lord, I love her so much, please keep her safe." That was my prayer.

Part 2 will be continued tomorrow.......