A Mother's Love, Part 4

(parts 1-3 are on my sidebar)

The next weekend, we went to Austin to see some friends, Debbie Banks and Susan Benkosky. While we were there, we had our picture made. That was our first family picture. Then, Debbie bought you the stroller and her Mom bought you a dress. It is the one you wore the day of your final hearing for your adoption.

While we were in Austin, you wouldn't let us out of your sight. Every step we took, you were right on our heels. That was when we realized that the events of the last month or so had been so hectic and furious, and it was more than time to slow down. We had gotten so caught up in all the excitement that we failed to realize the effect it was having on you, our baby. Then we realized that you were still afraid you were going to be left again.

Your Dad and I decided on our trip back home to La Grange, that it was time to stay home for awhile. You needed the assurance of family and you were going to have it. Monday morning, I called Mother. I told her that we were not going to be coming up for awhile. We felt it was important for you to feel loved and the security that no matter what, whenever or wherever we went, we would be coming back home. Little by little, that little lost look in your eyes faded away and trust and love came in to stay.

The next six months, we waited for your adoption to become final. The papers that had to be signed were filed in court. At that time, we were given legal custody of you. Basically, what that meant was that during that time, if Sue had changed her mind, we would have to fight her in a court of law. I will tell you this, we were a little worried. However, as you now know, everything was perfectly fine.

The court had appointed our lawyer's Pastor to do a home study of us. I don't remember his name, but he was very nice. He came one night with Mr. Halpain to see us. You see, the court wanted to know how our home life was. I imagine to see how we all interacted with one another. We were kind of nervous, but they put us right at ease. You see, the Pastor also had an adopted child, as well as natural children. He told us how some people could act if they found out you were adopted. I had already had a sample of that. One day, I took you and went to Gibsons (kinda like Kmart). One of the clerks said that she had not remembered me having a baby when I had been in there before. I told her I hadn't and that we had recently adopted you. She looked at me and said, "That is so big of you." I looked her straight in the eye and said, "No Ma'am, it isn't because you see, we love our daughter." She just kinda stood there with her mouth hanging open and I smiled and said "have a nice day" and left.

The Pastor said since this was a family adoption, what if one day should something happen to Sue and say if she were real ill and wanted to see the children she gave up, how would we handle the situation? Your Dad said that wasn't an easy question, but that we could handle anything together. Fortunately, we have never had any problems so far and I don't believe we will. In fact, the only thing that did happen turned out to be fine. That was when Aunt Ella passed away. Mother had said that day would come and there was a chance that we could run into Sue. By the time that happened, you already knew the truth of your adoption. Once again, I feel that the Lord was right there guiding us every step of the way.

Of course, we didn't have to go to the funeral. Aunt Ella (your maternal Great-grandmother) had always been one of my favorite Aunts and had it not been for her suggestion, we wouldn't have had you. Before she died, she told Meme that she had done a lot of rotten things in her life, but bringing the three of us together was the best thing in her life. Kristin, she loved you more than life itself. She would hold you and her eyes would just twinkle.

Finally, we had a court date for the final hearing. It was on Good Friday. Even that was somewhat strange. Exactly 2 years earlier, I miscarried Easter Sunday. Had I not miscarried, my due date was very early September or late August. You, my precious, were born August 29, 1976. Isn't God smart?

On that Friday, your Dad had to take off work for court. We were on cloud nine as we knew that no one could ever take you away from us. Bami and Pawpaw Lutringer met us at court. When we went in, there was another hearing going on. We didn't have to wait long. When it was our turn, the three of us stood in front of the judge. I was holding you. The judge asked your Dad where he was employed and he went totally blank. Ha!!!!!!!! I had to answer for him. The judge just smiled. I am sure he knew how nervous we were. He declared that from that day forward, you would be known as Kristin Denise Long, then hit his gavel.

Your Dad and I looked at each other and our lawyer said, "It's over, y'all can go." I said rather loudly, "That's it, she's really ours?" He said yes. I looked up and the judge laughed and shook his head also. I looked back at Bami and Pawpaw and started to cry. They were crying too. Even your Dad had big tears in his eyes.

We then left to go to Hubbard, to go home for Easter weekend. That was truly a perfect Easter.

Kristin, I have written this so that someday, when you are all grown up, you can read this and know how very much you were wanted and loved. And too, as time goes by and sometimes we forget little things that really mean alot. I wanted to tell you everything while I still remember it all. Seems like yesterday.

Baby, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind or your Dad's, that the Lord had all this planned from the very beginning. And as you know, your family, everyone, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents are your true blood family.

I am your Mother and always will be. Susan Grice is my cousin and I do love her. We grew up together. I can't condemn or condone her. All I can say is that it takes women like Susan for women like me to have a family and be a mom.

My darling, I couldn't love you any more had I given birth to you myself and I believe you know this. You truly are a miracle of God. One day when your Dad and I are no longer here on earth, should you read this and a tear should fall, please don't be too sad as we will always be right there in your heart. Kristin, when times are hard, just always hold on to your faith in God and you will always be fine. Remember, He never gives us more than we can bear.

Remember that you may not have grown under my heart, but you did grow in my heart. Again, remember always, my darling daughter, I am never any farther than right there in your heart.

I love you,
Mom

My Mom gave me this story on Mother's Day in 2003.