My First Gussy and my Birth Mom Decision

I was SO excited this week, when I found a package from my BFF Veronica on my porch, and inside was my very first Gussy!!!! As Gussy says, "Yeow!!"

If you know who Gussy is, you know why I am SO excited! If you don't know who Gussy is, get over there to her blog and meet her!! She truly inspires me, as a handmade business owner.

Veronica first asked me if I had been to her blog several months ago and I stayed up way late reading it. What I love most about her is that she loves to support handmade businesses and she loves to give advice on what has worked for her.
So, this was just such an awesome gift to get in the mail! Gussy is just so inspiring, and super fun, and a great blog to read!

On a different note, the past few days I have been under attack. When I got Ver's package, it was actually a bright spot in my day, a much needed one! Y'all know I advocate for adoption and I believe it is one of the most beautiful things. I still believe that. However, it is not always a fairytale. I debated on whether to even talk about it, but I think it's important to keep it real on here. I have been getting the ugliest, nastiest, most vile and vulgar text messages on my phone from my birth mother. Messages that I literally had trouble reading because they used words that I won't even repeat. Seriously. It came completely out of the blue and without provocation. Y'all know I have always had nothing but a kind heart toward her, and have never hated her for her choice. I have always been incredibly grateful for being given up for adoption!

So, when I got the first message, telling me how I needed to forgive her and stop hating her, I promptly let her know that I have never hated her and I am so glad that she made that decision. Well, I won't go into further details, but it just made me realize how God has been looking out for me my whole life. He took this sick, malnourished infant, that surely would have died without proper medical care and he placed me in the hands of my Aunt Barbara, who knew that I needed a family and a home. You all know the rest of the story, that I was given to my parents (blood relatives) and raised with nothing but love. I just never really knew the extent of how important it was that God placed me in a family that could shelter me (emotionally) from everyone and give me hope and a future.

I was shocked to be so attacked by someone that you all know I would have given a chance. But, she is not mentally stable and she is blaming me for the fact that I was given up for adoption. I was an infant! I have never been spoken to by anyone in that way ever in my life. I will not apologize for the fact that I loved my Mom, Dana (my adopted mom), dearly with all of my heart. You would think that my birth mom would be thankful that I had such a wonderful life, but she is actually mad that I did and she didn't.

Literally, the only contact I have ever had in my life with her is once at a funeral and that one visit at Aunt Barbara's. So, she does not know me and I do not know her. I used to wonder if I might feel guilty later in life for not getting to know her better. Now, I actually have no desire to ever speak to her again. I will never wonder if I should have gotten to know her or feel guilty for not. I forgive her for her ugliness.......I know that was just an attack from the devil to try and cause me pain. But, I would be too fearful to ever speak with her again and I will have to change my number if her harassment continues.

It is a really odd position that I never expected to be in. I have never been one to hold grudges, but for my own safety, I cannot and will not speak with her again. Today, as I prayed to God to erase the thoughts of those messages from my mind, I clicked over to Amy's blog and her post was exactly what I needed to read. I love when God does that, when He speaks to us through other believers. It's almost like a direct response to my prayer! Then, my Aunt Barbara called just to check in with me and see how I was doing. Aunt Barbara is my birth mom's sister. Their mom, my grandmother, was also over there to offer her support.

I certainly am not writing this to bash on my birth mother. I just think I would not be keeping my adoption story honest if I pretended that it turned out all fairytales and roses. I have also always known that God has been holding me in the palm of His hand my entire life, but it just made me realize the extent of how amazingly He brought every detail together to give me the best life possible. It just makes me that much more thankful that I grew up with such loving parents, that most of all taught me to trust in Him. It also makes me realize how differently it could have all turned out. I don't know what kind of person I would be today, if it had. It truly is one of those things that will have me praising God for as long as I live (even though I would have anyways!). The one thing I will ask is that you might say a prayer for my birth mom, for her to be released from the torment that the enemy clearly has over her.

I have thought very hard about this decision and I have decided to change my business name. Most of you know that Summer Suzette was my birth name. I originally decided to use it because I thought it was cute and when asked, I could bring adoption awareness to others by explaning the meaning behind it. Unfortunately, this whole thing has tainted that name for me and I can no longer be proud to use it. It makes me feel like I am bringing honor to my birth mom and dishonor to my real mom. I haven't decided what to change it to, but I am certainly open to suggestions! I would love a shorter name (two words max) that is cute and goes along with the handmade dolls that I plan to make. Maybe I can take a poll on here once I have it narrowed down to a few. That would be fun!

I just feel like this year is a year of changes, positive ones that I am looking forward to!