A Mother's Love, Part 1

A Mother's Love

by Dana Kay Long

To my daughter, Kristin

When I was a little girl, I dreamed one day that I would grow up, get married, and have a couple of children. The day I married your Daddy was one of the most wonderful days of my life. And getting you, my darling daughter, was the next best day in my life.

I wanted you before you were ever born. It was a dream, a dream I didn't even share with your Dad. At the time, I guess it was really a fantasy that I never dreamed would come true. Remember, I told you we were married for nine years and had about decided it would always be just the two of us. Yet, I kept hoping and dreaming for a little girl. Yes, a daughter. You.

Remember, I also told you that I got pregnant when we had been married sever years, but only to miscarry. What short time I was pregnant, we only talked of having a daughter. I know you always hear of a man wanting a son, but your Dad really did hope we would have a girl. Of course, it wouldn't have mattered, but a daughter was always on my mind and in my heart.

After about 2 1/2 months, I lost the baby. We were both heartbroken. It took a while, a long while, and I feel as though I cried an ocean full of tears. Finally, I realized that God would have something in store for us. We didn't know what, but we knew that it would be in His time, not ours. In the meantime, I held on to my dreams. For you see, we had so much love to give and I believe that God knew that too.

Kristin, when you were 9 months old, your Dad and I were living in Austin, Texas. We had gone home to Hubbard for the weekend. We hadn't been there but maybe an hour or so, when Aunt Ella called. As you know, she was your Meme's sister. I answered the phone. When I said, "Hello", she said, "I thought maybe y'all were here." I said we had just gotten here. She said, "Can you come up here?" I said yes, I could. She said, "I have something I want you to see." I asked what she had. She replied, "I have something that is pretty, sweet, and smells good."

I couldn't imagine what in the world she was talking about. Then she said, "I have Sue's baby." I thought since she was elderly, that she just wanted me to babysit a while so that she could rest. Of course, that was fine with me. Your Dad had gone down to Granny's, so I told her I would be right there.

When I got to her house, she was holding you. I went to pick you up and you came right to me. I could tell she was worn out, so I said I would take you down to Mother's and keep you that afternoon. We went to Meme's, then to Granny's. Everyone thought you were so sweet. A beautiful baby you were and so good. I don't know why, but Meme had some film in her camera and we took six pictures of you that day. You know, as I look back, I guess.......no, I know, even those pictures were in God's plan. Why would you take pictures of a child you had never seen and at the time, thought you would never see again?

We all fell in love with you that day, especially my Daddy, your PawPaw Christian. When he went to take you, you just fell in his arms, but children always did. I never saw a child that wouldn't go to him. There was just something about my Daddy. I guess he was special, just like you.

That weekend, I kept you several hours Saturday and also Sunday, after church. Your Dad thought you were the most beautiful baby he had ever seen. When he held you, you just stared at him. It was though you were memorizing every detail of his face. Sunday afternoon, when I took you back to Aunt Ella's, she asked, "What would you give for her?" I told her, "Everything I have," which wasn't much.

When I returned to Mother's, I just fell apart. I cried and cried. I told her that it just wasn't fair. I wanted you and I said if couldn't have you, I never wanted to see you again. That was because I loved you so much and it hurt too much. Mother said that your Dad and I should talk it over because you never know what could happen. Talk it over, we did..........over and over and over. We both wanted you so very much. I cried for weeks. Helen Wood, a good friend, told me that I had to pull myself together and that if it was meant for us to have you, we would one day.

You were never very far from my thoughts. Your Dad said that if we could adopt you, it would have to be done right and legal. Of course, I agreed, as that's the only way it would work for us to be a family. Oh, how wonderful that sounded, a family. I would go to bed at night and say, "Lord, do I dare dream? Is it possible? Lord, I love her so much, please keep her safe." That was my prayer.

Part 2 will be continued tomorrow.......